Deaf Anthology 24: Bowling Brawl"

Jim: "I'm hungry since the Mongolian Grill was closed at the Mall."

Joan: "Tonight we are having shrimps on the barbie, aboriginal steaks, and the usual staples."

Jeffrey: "No, not again, beets"

Joey: "We Aussies eat beets everyday"

Joan: "It makes Roman gladiators strong, our blood stays healthy."

John: "Tonight the night, it's bowling, beer and, of course, football." (John fired up the grill.)

Jill: "Milk"

Jim: "Don't forget to marinate the steaks, and save the charcoals for Joey to do the traditional firewalking ceremony!"

Joey: "No, that's the Maori culture of New Zealand."

Joan: "John, have you found a temporary job yet."

John: "Yes, I start next Monday at the Postal Service annex as a forklift operator, I don't know how long the Writer's Guild strike will last."

Jim: "Dad, can I borrow the keys again, am taking both Betty and Barbara out tonight."

John: "Remember the midnight curfew." (John gets his bowling ball out of the closet)

Bridgeport Bowling Alley

Frank: "Jim, been a hectic day, we heard about the mall incident."

John: "The Deaf Mall Rats are now celebrities!"

Fred: "I remember reading about a similar incident at LAX airport when they evacuate the terminal because the tty payphone looks suspicious."

Frank: "We need a substitute, Charles here from Chicago, Sean not with us tonight as he is in the hospital with a neck injury from an auto accident, an ambulance paramedic ran through the red light, totaled his Matrix, police didn't even fill out a report as there was no interpreter on the scene, we later found out that she was uninsured."

Charles: "The Bears and the Redskins are playing tonight."

Fred: "You are here to play bowling with us, we don't give a damn about the Bears, and we are all Patriots fans, except for John here, he's a Packers fan, he still depressed after last week loss to the Cowboys."

Charles: "We beat the Packers before that..."

John: "Will you just shut up and get up there and bowl." (John, wearing a Favre jersey, grabs a beer, punches in the names of the players, the televised football game is visible from the bar.)

Fred: "John, why are you drinking Foster, we're buddies, we should be drinking our Buds."

John: "We have a Deaf exchange student from Australia in our household." (Charles got a strike)

Fred: "Buster finally made it to the ASD Hall of Fame, we missed his presence."

John: "He's a legend, the only player ever to score 300 on our team."

Frank: "The Redskins are leading, you remember Coach George Allen gave scholarship to Gallaudet football players, that his defensive assistant, Bob Colbert, once coached the Bisons."

Fred: "Let's drink to that, they were the good old days!"

John: "The final score, 24-16, Washington skinned the Bears."

Charles: "Damn it!" (In anger, Charles picked up the bowling ball and threw it at the television set in the bar, the bouncer grabbed him and was set to thrown him out, but Charles persuade him not to call the police and gave him the credit card to pay for a replacement.)

Frank: "Did you see that, the bowling ball weighted 16 pounds and he ought to try out for the Deaflympics team in shotput."

Fred: "He have strength when he's drunk, he can win gold in Taipei."

John: "Let's have a couple more rounds of beers before we call it a night!"

Joan: "How's the gang at bowling?"

John: "Frank was able to convince Charles to buy two HD 42" LCD TV for the bar, using verses in Exodus."

Joan: "Jim still out, dating those two girls, I still think he needs to go steady with just one."

John: "Henry planning to buy a loft over a Starbuck at the town square, he's in new urbanism."

Joan: "I notice a lot of developments on the Connecticut River, we need an entertainment district there, a destination that will provide a relief on our property taxes burden."

John: "With the oil being over $100 a barrel, it has an impact on our way of life."

Jason: "We need renewable energy."

Jeffrey: "We could use manure, methane-powered automobiles"

Revised (1/13/08)

MySpace Codes!
This is Smokey, stayed tuned for the next episode of Deaf Anthology. Good night, Deaf America!

Deaf Anthology #23: "Deaf Mall Rats"

Joan: "I thought I saw Jim leaving, he looks like James Dean."
John: "He and his buddies are meeting at the mall, in their '50s clothing."
Oak Tree Mall
Bill: "Check this out, I am wearing an old-fashioned hearing aid from the 50s, scrap it on myself, this battery is heavy, these wiring..."
Barbara: "Don't I look like Marilyn Monroe?"
Jim: "Look at Ben, he thinks he's Elvis Presley." (Ben plays the guitar)
Betty: "Lucille Ball my favorite character"
Jim: "Here's Bill's twin brother, Brian, he's carrying a yardstick with him to remind us that sign language isn't allowed, as the oral deaf with the bandage hand."
Brian: "Let's eat at our favorite hangout, the Mongolian Grill in the food court."
Old Greenfield 911 Dispatch Center
911: "What's your emergency, please don't panic, describe the situation."
Unidentified caller: "I am at the Oak Tree Mall, there are two terrorists, one wearing explosives with wires attached, the other is carrying a submachine gun."
911: "Pull the nearest alarm and evacuate immediately and we'll send in the Swat team."
Jeffrey: "Hi, Mom, where's everybody?"
Joan: "Dad took Jason and Joey to soccer practice and Jim at the mall, you can play with Jill."
Jim: "Let's call ourselves the Deaf Mall Rats."
(Alarm goes off, unfortunately not visual, everyone evacuated the mall, leaving the the Deaf Mall Rats to themselves, Swat team on its way. Swat helicopters takes off. )
CNN: "This is CNN live from our local affiliates in Old Greenfield, Connecticut, they have just evacuated the Oak Tree Mall, we have a report of two terrorists inside, another have a submachine gun, probably an AK47, Swat team have just arrived on the scene."
Betty: "Isn't it strange that this place felted like it been deserted."

CNN: "Swat team have just entered the mall with a robotic arm which can be used to defused the explosives. Negotiators are now on the scene, unsuccessfully in attempting to contact them, so an Arabic interpreter is being called in, so far terrorists have made no demands.
Jim: "Isn't it cool that we got the whole mall to ourselves!"
Barbara: "What's that thing coming toward us?"
Jim: "It's the robotic arm."
Ben: "We're being invaded, run for your lives." (Ben dropped his guitar, runs toward the exit.)
Swat: "Freeze." (Swat knocked Ben out with a taser)
CNN: "They have just caught a terrorist trying to escape, the robotic arm have just removed a submarine gun thought to be an AK47 but instead it was a guitar."
Betty: "Let's get inside that photo booth and get our pictures taken."
Jim: "Thumbs up, we are the Deaf Mall Rats!" (They're still unaware what's happening)
Swat: "You're surrounded, surrender immediately!" (No response, Swat thrown in the tear gas into the photo booth, to captured the terrorist, and free the hostages.)
CNN: "The terrorists have been captured and have been taken downtown for questioning."
FBI Northeastern Regional Headquarter
FBI: "We don't need an Arabic interpreter, get us the ASL staff interpreter."
John: "What's hell going on?"
Jim: "Hello, Dad, there appears to be some misunderstandings."
John: "You got your mother worried and upset."
Ben: "They taserized my testicles, now I'm impotent."
CNN: "This is CNN with the latest report, the Deaf Mall Rats, probably another unknown al Qaeda cell."
Joan: "That's it, I'm definitely going to complaint to CNN, it being not closed-captioned."
FBI: "The Department of Home Security will like to apologized for overreacting for this unfortunate incident."
John: "Jim let's go home." (John dropped off Jim at the mall to retrieved the Hummer and he'll pick up the boys at soccer practice)
Jason and Joey: "Jim, what happened, you look embarrassed?"
Jim: "It's a long story."
Revised (1/12/08)

MySpace Codes!

This is Smokey, stayed tuned for the next episode of Deaf Anthology. Good Night, Deaf America!

Deaf Anthology 22: "Disorderly-Conduct"

John: "Joan, answer the VP please, I am still busy writing the script."

Joan: "That was the Principal, they want us to come pick up our son, Jason, as he was suspended for fighting in the school cafeteria." (John saves the script on his computer, left the garage driving the Hummer)

John: "What has Jason done this time?"

Principal: "We had to suspend Jason because he was fighting in the school cafeteria." (two Old Greenfield police officers were also in the room along with Jason.)

John: "Boys will be boys, couldn't the teachers handled the situation themselves?"

Principal: "This situation is different, Jason knocked out a boy with C.I."

John: "It was a TKO (technical knock-out), Great!,I taught him everything and I'm proud of him."

Officer Bob (Old Greenfield Police): "I don't think so, he is getting a citation for disorderly-conduct."

John: "Wait a minute it's unfair, children fights all the time during the school year, and you always handled the situation every time but why us, just because a C.I. child was involved." (Joey enters the room.)

Joey: "G'day, Am I in trouble again, mates?"

John: "No, it's Jason this time."

Joey: "Now, we're even." (Old Greenfield Police gave the boys the N.Y. Mets baseball cards and reminded them to stay out of trouble.)

John: "Boys, we got ourselves the Hummer so let's stop at McDonald for a McRib"

Jason: "Dad, how can you afford it, did you win the lottery?"

John: "No, I read in the Sunday newspaper that you can test drive any GM for twenty-four hours so that's what I'm doing, all I need to do is have a credit card check, proof of insurance, not to use it off-road or out of state, and return it to the dealer with the gas tank full, the only restriction is that we can't test drive it on a weekend, maybe next week we can test drive a Corvette, O.K!"

Joey: "Jason, what happened at school?"

Jason: "You know Charlie, the C.I. kid, who got ahead of me in the cafeteria line and I just knocked him out, you should have seen it, Charlie peed in his pants when I lifted him up."

Joey: "At least we don't have to take that Algebra test, we didn't study last night, we were watching Kid Nation instead."

John: "I'm not paying that $150 disorderly-conduct citation, we're going to the DA (District Attorney) next month to contest it."

McDonald's

John: "We want three McRibs, french fries, and the real thing, Coca-Cola." (Smokey's commentary: The drive-in are a good place to practice your speech, as you don't always get what you ordered!)

Jason: "Dad, why Filet-o-Fish, I thought you ordered McRibs?"

Joey: "It must be what the family behind us ordered, your Dad not good speech."

John: "We're home, you better study your Algebra before your soccer practice this afternoon." (John went out front to pick up the mail.)

Joan: "Any mail today?"

Jill: "Daddy!"

John: "Yes, a few, a TDI renewal notice, the "Wrong Game" flyers, and a couple of letters from the courts, a couple of class-action lawsuits, and the mortgage bill."

Jim: "Dad, I'm going to the mall to hang out with my friends, I need the keys."

John: "Drive safely!"

Joan: "I met a couple at the grocery store with a C.I. toddler, she is so..."

John: "Don't even mention it."

Joan: "Here's your newspaper."

Jason and Jeffrey: "What's news."

John: "There is this article about two roommates of a dead man in New York City trying to cash his Social Security check, they went to a local bank, but the teller told them that the person whose name is on the check must appear in person to endorse it. They went back to their apartment and put the dead body in a chair from the den, and pushed him into the bank, one holding his head up. The teller asked what's wrong with their friend. They told him he was just tired. Someone became suspicious and called police. They were arrested for check fraud."

Joan: "I am sure any judge will have a field day handling this case, and the jury outburst in laughter."

Revised (1/12/08)

This is Smokey, stay tuned for the next episode of Deaf Anthology. Good Night, Deaf America!