2017-09-25

Deaf Inmates

Deaf inmates' grievances were settled out of court when an arbitration ruled in their favor to allow a felon ASL interpreter on Death Row to accompany them on their chain gang assignments, to appear at parole hearings, and permitting them to be cellmates.  Deaf inmates now are able to complete their GED, participate in a drug rehabilitation program, anger management sessions, etc. The state saves money using felons as interpreters. As a matter of fact, these interpreters would rather be interpreting than pressing license plates. 

Odie


Hollywood: A casting director is seeking a Deaf actor for an upcoming Garfield sequel to attend an open audition to be held next week at the studio. The only requirement is that the Deaf actor must be mute to do a voiceover for the character, Odie, the lovable beagle.

ICE

ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement), raid a national "Deaf Civil Rights" conference here at a hotel convention center arresting eight Deaf undocumented catering employees at a banquet where a prominent Deaf keynote speaker was addressing the crowd of delegates. They were handcuffed was taken to a detention center awaiting for deportation back to Mexico. 

Pvt. Smith

We've just received a report from our embassy in Saigon that one of our GIs is Deaf, a Pvt. Smith. "That's impossible". They probably meant that he's dead, I'll check the casualty report immediately. While on a search and destroy mission, we were ambushed, returning fire with our M-16s, Pvt. Smith (recently awarded the Purple Heart for wounds suffered during the Tet offensive) pulled the pin and tossed the grenade blowing those Gooks into hell. We somehow managed to escape, a Huey helicopter rescues us, letting the Phantoms take care of the rest. Our buddies were looking forward to a weekend in in Bangkok but not Pvt. Smith, again recessed back to his childhood when his Deaf father taught him stalking while deer hunting. As he gestured for a cigarette, the fuel clogged, the helicopter crashing behind enemy lines.We had to hide in the jugles, waiting untill dusk. Our platoon leader, a draftee on LSD, took a trip after stepping on a mine. Pvt. Smith, carrying a Bowie knife,  removes the dog tags and took over, leading his comrades back to safety undetected.  Pvt. Smith, a hero, was allowed to complete his tour of duty, even tough his commanders knew he was Deaf, destroying the medical files. After the war, he studied at Gallaudet, under the GI Bill, and began a career with the Veterans Administration. Pvt. Smith and his wife adopted two Deaf Vietnamese children. He is now looking forward to a weekend outing when he can pass the Bowie knife to his son and tell the campfire story of those brave Texans who died at the Alamo.

Deaf Horoscope




Horoscope been around since ancient times as man seek guidance from the stars.
ARIES: Your court appearance have been postponed once again for a parking ticket you got in 1962 because they still couldn't find an interpreter for you.
TAURUS: Replace the garbage disposal that burned out while you were on vacation.
GEMINI: "I wasn't speeding," but the sheriff stopped you asking that your muffler needs to be replaced, rattling our peaceful town.
CANCER: Your neighbors start moving out after your children set up a rock band, practicing in the basement.
LEO: You read a blog about a Deaf woman describing her affairs with several men, not realizing that it's your wife.
VIRGO: Your Deaf pastor wanted to know why you donated $500 to Gallaudet, nothing to the church.
LIBRA: You stopped contact with your mistress after your daughter got a job as a relay operator.
SCORPIO: Isn't your fault if the factory blown apart, not being trained to handle hazardous materials since they refused to provide an interpreter at safety talks.
SAGITTARIUS: The family enjoyed free open-captioned movies every week, with "We're sorry..." passes for the delays after forgetting to turn it on.
CAPRICORN: You were terminated after 15 years on the job for 15 seconds of fame on local news your boss watch on the day you call in sick attending an AFA rally.
AQUARIUS: Got off in Dublin instead of Detroit, no wonder your flight so long, free vouchers to get drunk at the local pub, and a meal of corned beef and cabbages.

PISCES: "Show me your, and I will show you mind," the nude model at tonight's painting class was the same interpreter at your prostate exam. 

Heat Wave

The heat wave hits the northeast, the electric grids are holding up, but
fortunately for us Floridians, it rains every afternoon, giving us relief!

Passport

A Deaf family went on vacation in the Middle East, and the mother gave birth in Jerusalem. The family being US citizens applied for a passport and list Israel as the place of birth, but the problem is that both Palestine and Israel claims Jerusalem as its capital, as our government doesn't recognized either having sovereign, so Jerusalem is listed.

Political Asylum

A Deaf animal trainer with the Moscow Circus been granted political asylum to remain in the United States. A St. Petersburg native, his father was killed by a German sniper during the siege in WWII. While performing at the Madison Square Garden, he decided to escape as he feared that he'll never have another opportunity to visit America, after the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.  A few Deaf linotypists agreed to assist in his defection, but there is  only one problem. The Russian Deaf animal trainer refuses leave his bear behind, so they rent an U-Haul to take the bear with them, driving to the Catskill Mountain to release him into the wild.

Police Blotter

A Deaf man was recently arrested for indecent exposure to a minor at the local mall. Lawyers released a statement claiming that the Deaf in question was low functional, misunderstanding the "No shirt, No shoes, No service," sign that was posted so he thought it's alright to be naked from the waist down. The DA probably would order a psychological exam to determined if any charges should be filed in this case, noticing the Deaf shortcomings in its report. 

Dorm Tales: Dinosaurs

A Deaf boy at St. John's School for the Deaf  (SJSD) was having nightmares of being lead down the aisle on Death Row, accused of a crime he didn't commit, with a priest reciting  the Bible walking alongside me. Inmates on both sides cheer him on. The door opened, they strapped him to the electric chair, being fitted with a headgear,  he start screaming as the executor behind a thick glass panel pulls the switch. A night dormitory supervisor awaken him, pointing out that there are no dinosaurs, assuming it's the same nightmare, comforting him, allowing him to the bubbler, and leaving the nightlight on. In the morning, once again, he's being lead down the aisle of his dorm, only this time with a teacher reading the audio-gram. Dorm mates on both sides cheer him on. The door opened, there is that familiar sight, thought he was being punished,  once again being fitted with a headgear, start screaming as the audiologist behind a thick glass panel pulls the switch. The audiologist had to rescheduled the test, write a note to his dormitory supervisor suggesting that his television viewing be monitored.